THE VINCENTIAN WAY
Guidance on how to develop meaningful relationships with people in need.
We should not judge poor people by their clothes and their outward appearance – nor by their mental capacity, even if they seem ignorant and uncouth.
On the contrary, consider the poor in the light of faith. We should imitate what Christ did – caring for the poor, consoling them, helping them and guiding them.
Servant of the poor
Christ chose to be born in poverty and took poor men as His disciples; He became the servant of the poor and shared their condition. Whatever good or harm was done to the poor, He said He would consider done to himself.
Since God loves the poor, He also loves those who love the poor. Therefore we must strive to be deeply involved in the cares and sorrows of our neighbour and pray to God to inspire us with compassion and pity.
(St Vincent de Paul)
Thoughts on Vincentian visiting
Just as God is not interested in how much you have given to the poor, but rather why you gave it, so it is with visiting. Although it is a duty, in that you are responding to Christ’s command, love must always supersede duty. Visiting the poor must always be seen as a humble demonstration of love.
Chat about ordinary things
Visit in groups of two or three, never alone. Try to develop a warm, natural relationship by being friendly. Chat about ordinary, everyday topics (weather, children, the price of food, recipes, sport, etc.). Avoid controversial and depressing topics.
If the client is illiterate or nearly so, gently offer to write dictated letters – or read from a newspaper, magazine or book if that would be appreciated.
When dealing with older people, offer to do their shopping for them (and maybe slip in something extra), or take them to visit a friend, or on an outing of some sort.
When the visit draws to a close, make certain that you have accomplished the purpose of the visit. Review the person’s situation so that he/she can see how you have understood the situation and invite any corrections or additional information.
Offer options
Present them with the immediate options available, explaining the results of each choice. Remember that doing nothing about the problem is also an option. Make it clear that SSVP will discuss the situation in strict confidence and will authorise whatever assistance is deemed appropriate.
Think about praying with those you visit. Use formal or informal prayers.
Report back
After the visit, discuss impressions with your visiting partner preparatory to making a full report to the Conference. Make sure you are familiar with the facilities, rules, forms and benefits that are available from organisations such as the Departments of Social Services, Home Affairs, the local Town Council, Legal Aid, the Black Sash and local churches.
Although you are probably better equipped to deal with these bodies, it’s important not to do everything on behalf of the person. We are there to help those who help themselves.
Sometimes it is necessary to go with the person to a work opportunity, or to the hospital. At other times the person may prefer to go on their own. Your help may simply consist of giving him/her careful directions on how to get there (with perhaps the necessary taxi fare).
Avoid making decisions for other people
People need to have a part in any decision affecting their lives. They are more likely to cooperate in a plan of action if they are involved in determining what that plan will be. Some people need a great deal of help and guidance, but only in rare situations is a person totally unable to function.
The true helper enables: he/she does not push or dictate to people. You will have to decide whether to withhold suggestions, or give minimal advice, or whether to become more direct and encourage a certain course of action. Often it is a combination of these two approaches which is required. This is what makes your job difficult, but challenging and interesting.